ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
