And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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