idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
