i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
