Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
