Non-Jews are for practice
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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