I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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