I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
