so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
