He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
