Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
