I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
