...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
