I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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