Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
