Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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