I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
