last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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