I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i believe in u and ur pee
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Text me some of your sweat
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
