So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
