New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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