Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
