the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
