my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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