Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
