maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
