i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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