Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
