you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
