you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
