I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
