I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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