every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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