i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
