You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
50% drunk capacity currently
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
