I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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