I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
