I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
