Sponge bath it is.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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