last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
