She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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