ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
