Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
