Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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