i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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