mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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