So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
