If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am naked and annoyed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
