dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
