Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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