I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
