I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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