I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
