I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
