So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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