she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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