That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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